What you’ve encountered is unfortunate and I would like to think not representative of the org.
My squadron is lucky enough to have a highly experienced member of staff, working with neuro diverse and disabled children daily, but not all have that. We have a (I would say a “proud”) track record of regularly accepting and supporting ASD and neurodiverse cadets and also have parents of each on our committee at the at the moment.
But it’s highly believable that there are units out there that simply haven’t yet found themselves attracting as broad a range of needs and presentations, and their volunteers not being personally experienced with or exposed to such diversity.
I’m sorry to you that this is your experience of us, but agree there’s a case that we should have better signposted resources internally, though we do have what we call ACP 15 (Inclusion Policy) and ACP 29 (Guide to Supporting Individual Needs in a Training Environment). Both of those could possibly benefit from the availability of further resources as they are very general and surface level in many of the conditions discussed, but then we have an Inclusion Team with reps and contacts in each wing and region.
I don’t think it would apply in your case based on what’s described, but region HSEP advisors are also able to provide specialised, individual risk assessments where there are physical or site hazard aspects that may need to be considered.