im a parent of 2 cadets who started back in September 2017, passing out in April 2018.
*I have omitted any details which could identify the cadets, the sqns or places
They were part of sqn A and loved it, and my youngest (Z) befreinded another cadet (M) who was found to be self harming so reported it to the CO who got this cadet help and support.
Z was commended for their actions and M & Z became friends.
My eldest child (X) was also loving their time as a cadet, making friends, going flying, attending events.
Then in July 2018 shortly before an annual camp my husband was posted elsewhere (we are a military family but i have never served) so the children moved to sqn B - took about a week to finalise the transfer.
They were part of sqn B for the annual camp, which was going well as they were with the new friends from sqn B but were also seeing their old friends from sqn A (both sqns were under the same wing). During the same M and another cadet R cornered Z and threatened to beat them up and suffocate them in their sleep. Z was upset and called us, but was overheard by the SO for their dorm and was asked to escort them to the camp office and file a complaint.
M & R were reprimanded, and moved dorm but not removed from camp.
Z didn’t know where this anger had come from and heard from other cadets at sqn A that it was because they had moved and M felt alone because they were a foster child.
3 months passed and out of the blue one evening M called Z and started screaming that Z was ‘in love’ with their significant other (obviously they didn’t word it that way but i don’t want to divulge the sex of any cadets involved) to which Z said that was stupid, seeing as we now lived over 80 miles away from sqn A and Z hadn’t seen anyone since the annual camp.
Z’s father heard the shouting being done down the phone and he took it from Z and said ‘is this M?’
M promptly hung up. Z made contact with M’s carers and asked them to call so that Z’s father could speak to them about what he had heard.
They called and stated that Z was started it according to M and that Z had in fact beat up M at the annual camp. We contacted the camp organizing officer and requested clarity and we received back an email stating that a complaint was made by Z about the conduct of M & R and the conduct had previously been witnessed by a senior cadet and as a result M & R were reprimanded.
We sent this report to M’s carers who called again and said they would sort the situation.
We made it clear that Z would be blocking M on the phone and social media which M’s carers agreed they would also make M do.
Then all was quiet, Z & X attended sqn B and continued their cadet careers, for around 6 months so they were at sqn B for almost 9 months.
Then we had to move again and made contact with sqn A for the cadets to transfer back (being the closest sqn) but we received mixed messages, the first being yes both Z & X would be welcome back, then a day later that it needed to be authorized through the Wing, this process took almost 4 weeks.
Z & X were told to report to the CO upon arriving.
They were informed that if anything happened between themselves and M that there would be consequences.
Z & X were confused as to the problem as assumed the issue had been resolved 6 months prior.
On their first night back it was sports and nobody spoke to either of them, so Z asked someone they had previously trusted what was wrong, and they were told that nobody wanted to associate with Z because they had told M to ‘go and die’ - something i will vouch never happened.
They also told X that they all hated Z because they used M for money - again something that is untrue - M bought a birthday gift for Z of chocolates, Z bought M a £30 piece of jewellery or Xmas (as M’s birthday was after Xmas) - Z always had their own money for tuck at sqn.
Both cadets came home from their first night back stating that senior cadets, same rank cadets, staff and even JCs they had never net made them feel unwelcome and were pointing and laughing at them, so along with their father we asked the CO to investigate, and he claimed that M had done nothing wrong, even if it were untrue which he couldn’t prove, he was not willing to make sure they were civil, even when Z broke down because of the jibes he ignored them and told them to ‘get over it’
Both have now chosen to quit their cadets careers despite them loving it!
I just wondered if this is a complaint that needed looking at as both my children feel the sqn sided with M without even speaking to them and despite hearing the nastiness they ignored it.
I didn’t realise there were children who could be as nasty and vindictive as M - to the point that their lies and rumours have caused my children to want to quit!
Am I overreacting?