My parents have usually been ok with sharing lifts for cadet events and things like that but now it’s really starting to and have started to even say no to a lift for me for cadet events. For almost every cadet event there’s a Cpl on my sqn who has always asked him if I’m able to give him a lift. Some reasons were “my dad’s uncomfortable driving in the ice” or “my mums uncomfortable driving long distances on her own.” My parents ask me if they’re ever able to share lifts with him but he says he can’t. There’s only been one time where his mum has picked us up from the station out of the many cadet events there were. It’s starting to become annoying. If my parents are unable to give us a lift he expects me to ask someone else going to that event or look up the train times for him or to ask our OC if he could give us a lift for an event he attends.
We have an MOI course tomorrow and I said that I can only take him back in the afternoon but I can’t in the morning. He said his dad couldn’t take him because he’s too scared of the ice. My mum travels every single day for work to the place we are going, no matter the weather.
Anyone have any guidance on what I can do? He’s turning 18 soon as well whereas I’m 16. I would bring this up with my OC but I’m not sure if there’s anything he could do.
Does anyone have any advice? Preferably staff but anyone else is ok to reply to this.
Oh yeah and to add onto this. I went flying today and mid flight he kept messaging me to get my attention. After I landed I still had things to do and log the flight and have a debrief with my instructor. I managed to look at my phone and responded to his message asking if I could call. I said I couldn’t but he kept on asking when I could to talk about tomorrow and I asked him if he could just message me and he said it’s better on call but I couldn’t call because I was busy.
If you let your CO know they might be able keep an eye on things & even be able to engineer things little bit to take the pressure off but in short, it’s not a unit matter. there might be other factors that the CO will be aware of they gives context to the other cadets Constant requests to you.
you’re entitled to tell the other cadet to go away or even that your “parents have said no” (your parents will be happy to play the “bad guys” on this - they’ll have your back)
If the other cadet is approaching 18 then they are approaching the age of staff cadet and they may not be extended by the CO. If you telling the cdt cpl “no” leads to adverse behaviour from the cpl then letting the CO know also gives you some top covers as well.
Another situation happened when me, the cpl and another cadet were on an event together too. The place was about an hour away and my parents wanted to share lifts but no one else could. When I mentioned that my parents were gonna have issues taking us back from the event the sqn ldr (the other cadets grandparent) made a post on our squadron facebook page asking what’s happening with lifts and if I was able to give their grandchild a lift back.
I didn’t want a sqn ldr to get involved but after that post was made I felt pressured to give the other cadet a lift, so I pressured my parents to give us a lift back. My dad had to take time off work to give us a lift back. My parents work almost every weekend.
This pretty much. That is often easier said than done, but sometimes a no is all that is needed. Things like lift sharing can become habitual very quickly, starting off as a simple favour. Say no, and be as polite about it as you think you need to be but make it clear the answer is no.
Awesome. I hope it was great! We’ve sadly not had many slots down here so good to hear when cadets are actually flying.
This really isn’t good. Although this isn’t a unit issue per-se, it might be worth getting you parents to have a quick chat with the OC. Might help, and take some pressure off of you.
There’s a wonderful lesson I teach to my cadet NCOs which is unfortunately is too long for a forum post regarding the difference between organisational authority & influence.
In short, the Sqn Ldr is the problem for your CO & not yourself & you shouldn’t feel pressured by their opinion.
Think of this like first aid. Your first concern is ensure your own safety before that of the casualty. In this case the welfare & logistics of you & your parents come before that of others.
Yourself & your parents sound commendable people and it’s good that you have done what you can to help others. However there is limits & last thing you want is your parents become unsupportive of your cadet activities due to others.
Do what’s right for you, if you can give lifts then fab. If not then it’s not your problem.
If your parents want to be slightly awkward they can always ask the OC for travel mileage from Sqn funds.
I do flying privately at a club near me. We don’t get many slots either. Was supposed to do an AEF last month but it got cancelled. I’m hoping to apply for ACPS next year tho.
Hmm I’m not sure about this, it seems a bit wrong.
Is the Cpl is being overbearing generally and not just about the lifts? The messages during flying are a bit too much.
Is there a trusted member of staff you could discuss it with?
Yeah I have been planning on speaking to the OC about it. They did one thing with a cadet where he wanted to date them but she didn’t and he kept pressuring her. I believe she’s blocked him but she’s no longer at cadets. He would sometimes ask me when my bf is at work and if I could ever meet up with him preferably when my bf wasn’t around (I told my bf about this and he got creeped out about it). I guess this may be an outside of cadets matter but since 2 cadets have felt uncomfortable maybe I should bring it up.
Ok this the point where it moves away from lifts & obsessive need & over into the something more sinister world of harassment.
You’ve said that there’s other cadets the Cpls behaved this way too. There’s probably other cadets who are also experiencing this but don’t want to speak up & cause a fuss because they think it’s just them.
I strongly advise that you mention the above incident to you parents and then contact the CO.
If your Sqn is still parading then face to face, if you’ve stood down for Christmas then a direct email to the OC stating what you have put on here along with any other incidents . This is one of those times where you Keep your parents fully in the loop as possible.
I know it may seem you might be making a fuss or worried that because they are a cpl they will making you life difficult but please trust that it is the right thing to do.
I agree. This extra info tips the scales and the OC needs to know now. Particularly as the cadet in question is approaching Staff Cadet status where conduct like this becomes much more serious
I suggest you have a meeting with your OC and with a Cadet you can trust present, if that doesn’t resolve issue then ask for a meeting with you and your parents there.
Either way request the meeting by email (copy in your sqn general email or another staff member, probably the snco) so there’s a record.
The sooner this is addressed the better the outcome for all.
If you have asked them to stop and they carry on its harassment. Talk to your oc, if they keep doing it after the oc asks them to stop then its a disciplinary issue.
Note that it could be due to an unknown medical issue so dont be mean but go by the book and rrport up the chain. Dont say things to other cdts as gossip will never help
Being a sex pest is not ok especially at his age. If he carrys on and does it as a staff member the police will be involved and it will be a very serious matter
