So im getting annoyed with NCOs on my unit that keep shouting six inch rule at me and one of my friends, she happens to be female and i male. We are very close and affectionate sometimes but we are both in relationships with other people. We both have frequent Panic attacks from anxiety and things :), It doesnt help that when im breaking down i need a hug from her or just time but this is annoying. My question is, does the rule apply to two cadets of the opposite gender who aren’t dating? This has been bugging me for a while and i would love for someone to actually answer me. Unllike sqn staff.
There is no six inch rule, just basic common sense and decency on PDA. If this behaviour is adding to your anxiety and the NCOs are not taking your comments on board then take it up the chain
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The PDA is literally just hugging or an arm wrapped around and sometimes holding hands to stop shaking. Thats it.
You will get lots of varying responses on here with a topic like this.
@Farmerdan is right, speak to your OC.
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Your NCOs need to get a life …
If you were in a relationship and playing tonsil tennis constantly…I’d get it.
But if you’ve told them the reasons behind if and they get like that still…then yeah no reason.
Speak to your boss, explain the situation and see what they have to say.
The six inch rule is not a thing. People making up rules bugs me.
Also, do they know how long an inch is?
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Your NCO’s are using bad terminology. But to be fair to them dealing with something they may not themselves feel totally comfortable dealing with.
Regardless of what they say though they are telling you that they consider your standards to be below what the corps set.
Cadet code of conduct:
During their time in the ATC, cadets must never:
Engage in inappropriate behaviour or contact
(eg physical, verbal, sexual, including horseplay).
Now this is open to interpretation but if i saw cadets hugging or holding hands whilst “on duty” it would be something i would bring up. I am not bothered in the slightest about whether the cadets are in a relationship or not, it would be dealt with the same way.
Adding in the complexity that you both have anxiety issues that you help each other with. Its a bit beyond this forum to help you. I would only recommend that you speak to your OC with a parent to find out exactly what is and is not acceptable. You have mentioned that you are affectionate to each other, it would make it impossible to differentiate between affection and genuinely helping someone through an anxiety attack so as above go speak to your OC.
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I believe this is covered off in ACP4 paragraphs 41 and 42:
- Relationships between cadets occur and the RAFAC has no wish to inhibit free association, especially if such relationships do not affect discipline nor impact on the efficiency or effectiveness of the sqn or where there are no other child protection issues. However, the following may be considered to be inappropriate during RAFAC activities:
· close and exclusive emotional relationships involving public displays of affection or intimacy, including sexual relations when on RAFAC activities or premises, and,
· a relationship that involves, or gives the appearance of involving, partiality, preferential treatment or improper use of rank or appointment.
- This guidance is not intended to inhibit friendships, camaraderie or teamwork (with no sexual connotation).
There is no gender bias regarding public displays of affection being shown as per the cited chapter, it can however be seen as inappropriate to have a physical friendship or relationship with other cadets whilst participating in Air Cadet activities.
You need to speak to your Squadron staff regarding your situation, particularly to come up with an action plan to manage your panic attacks.
I think judging by the OP comments there is more than just a touch of the little green-eyed monster here and they are dressing it up and dealing with their jealousy under some non-existent and fatuous Air Cadet rule.
If it was that bad I’m certain any one of the staff would have said something,. All the while they don’t carry on as you are, as you obviously aren’t doing anything that bad.
Helpful post as per normal.
@Teflon Make sure to tell your cadets they can do whatever they want in front of your cadet NCOs. as long as a staff member doesn’t see it then it is all hunk dory and its obviously purely jealousy by the NCOs. They are obviously not trying to instil standards and discipline even in a poorly worded way.
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In the 33 years of girls being on the squadrons I’ve been on, I’ve never seen them being ‘obvious’ during a parade night, when boys and girls have been ‘seeing’ each other.
Let’s be honest the Air Cadets has only supposedly cared enough to have ‘rules’ for 13/14 or so years, there was nothing before and it wasn’t needed. The lines about efficiency and effectiveness have been written by someone totally clueless, cadet relationships don’t in themselves create problems until a split occurs as one or other moves to another cadet, which isn’t covered. All you can do as staff is watch it happen and hope it doesn’t create at best problems at worst cadets leaving.
If it’s correct by the OP that the NCOs are randomly shouting things, I fail to believe staff are unaware and I’d feel they fully aware and ignoring it and not dealing with it. Hut walls are paper thin and I if was hearing that sort of thing being shouted the adult SNCO would be despatched to have a word to (a) find out what’s going on and (b) I would say some advice along the lines of grow up, given admonishments are done in private. If it’s meant partly in jest, it doesn’t seem to be suggested it’s intended to be taken as such, if the OP and young lady feel like they do. Surely that’s not the environment we should be encouraging on squadrons.
It is bizarre that if girls hug each other as they are prone to do, no one bats an eyelid and who knows, if it’s not more and in need of a word, as per if it was a boy and girl doing the same. So much for equality.
The point is more that to say “carry on regardless”, without addressing the perception or getting yourself some top cover is severely lacking on the useful advice scale.
@Minigriff, most advice given here is valid. Based on what you’ve said, there’s nothing inherently wrong with needing some comfort from time to time.
So speak with the NCOs and staff and put an agreed action plan in place of how you will both act and react when in need of some space and support. I’d imagine it would surely help in these times to be out the way or somewhere private anyway, and if you do that then no one can create an issue - especially if it’s agreed that you are able to remove yourself when things get too much.
Without wanting to add to your stress, just be aware of “the boy who cried Wolf”. I.e. Use this plan only when really needed to avoid unfair accusations.
We had a young couple who were attached by the hip. I’d often tell cadets to go stand between them. After a few parade nights they were often 6ft apart and not glued together. Couple of months down the line and they are on opposite ends of the parade hall as they aren’t a couple anymore. I’ll be honest in my many years as cadet and staff, I have yet to see a relationship last more than a year or two.
8 years later I’m married to my cadet squeeze…
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I fail to believe that staff are not aware if this is being done as per the OP ie shouting “6 inch rule” or similar and the staff haven’t done something. If it needs the cadet(s) to approach staff for an “action plan” as the staff aren’t aware, frankly astounds me. I would suggest the staff get their ears syringed / take off their headphones / get out of the office(s), or all three.
I can be in a room doing something and hear cadets talking in the next room. So something being shouted or even in a slightly raised voice will resonate around the glorified sheds the majority of us have as HQs. Even in a brick build the walls won’t be that thick to prevent overhearing things in the adjoining room. I have to remind staff occasionally to reduce the fruitiness of the language or what they are saying, just in case.
Where does this carry on regardless come from, I feel the NCOs all probably around the same age have read or heard something taking to the nth degree and are jealous and acting like idiots to embarrass other cadets and not being mature about it, ie having a quiet word, if it’s even their place to do that, as I would say staff should be doing that and laying the ground rules, but not spouting the Ch & Verse as per the poorly put together ATC booklet. In my experience a cadet will normally say that x is seeing y, if we don’t spot it first. If the NCOs are doing as said, someone should be having a word with them.
I bet that caused some consternation among the turnip eating spike sitters as one or other of you went through the latter teens.
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Not really. Similar age. I left at 18 anyway so that wasn’t too much of a problem. Our OC at the time “persuaded me” into asking her out anyway. 
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If I were the boss, and based on what you have said, I would not be concerned. Sounds like rules have been invented to me. I would however, be looking to help around the anxiety and panic attacks as by addressing this you tackle the other issue that appears to have got everyone so worried.
It’s about getting everybody from OP to NCOs, to staff on the same page about the boundaries and expectations. Just because you might hear someone calling out “6 inch rule” doesn’t mean there isn’t a problem to address that you don’t realise.
If a plan and the boundaries are set and known at all levels then there’s little debate to follow.
Question for all those who are teachers … what happens in schools when it comes to relationships between pupils?
Is it how the Air Cadets handle it?
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