I will never get used to civil servants addressing starred officers by their first names, even though I know you are right.
Iâve seen CIs been told of for using first name with staff whilst amongst only other staff. Iâve gotten until trouble for calling that out as BS.
When cadets are around I use rank and surname. âGo see Flt Lt Bloggs on the officeâ. Never âGo and see Joeâ.
But amongst just staff, or amongst staff and senior cadets, itâs first names all day long as far as Iâm concerned.
In email though I do always use rank and surname if sending an email to an individual rather than a group.
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Itâs when you bump into them in the running horse in the RAF club in civvies & they introduce themselves as Andy.
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A quick tour at Air Command in the 1 stripe club quickly makes you a little less jittery around the big wigs!
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Youâre bang on and the person telling CIs off is very much incorrect.
Civilian instructor isnât a rank, itâs an honorary appointment and, as a civilian, you are not required to follow the military customs regarding terms of address.
As long as its office-appropriate⌠
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But how else will everyone know how important they are?
There remain too many people who cling on to a rank who would be best placed dropping back to Fg Off and spending a year or 2 weeks on a sqn, especially if / when work or family prevents them from being effective at a higher level.
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As a non-MOD civil servant, itâs a privilege I value⌠Although it does feel quite funny that this organisation often forces me to show far more deference and homage to a CFAV OF3/4 than I would with the regular OF5-7âs I deal with in the real world⌠I still value having an awareness of the rank structure and who fits where, though.
I think MOD are still quite formal and hierarchial even within their CS cadre, but in lots of OGDs pretty much anyone can talk to anyone - often to much shock/confusion from MOD bods.
Only exception to the relative informality is that Iâd never call a minister by their first name, even if they ask for that (more prevalent with Labour, but hey the Tories had âcall me Daveâ), itâs always âMinisterâ or âSecretary of Stateâ. Itâs about the office, not the individual.
In RAFAC terms though, when itâs just between staff if someone anyone actually tries to force you to call them by their rank in an informal situation then frankly I pity them, as someone clearly isnât getting enough attention and affection at homeâŚ
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Not all parts of the MOD are so formal, although I have had to counsel some 1 and 2 pipsqueaks, that they must demanding that CS personel call them âSirâ. At work, I address all up to our 1* by their first name, I only start thinking of using âSirâ at 2*.
Our ministers are very informal, they insist on first names - not a fan personally!
I was in a very informal Staff only course, it was 70-80% uniformed staff, and was the first of its type (we were guinea pigs for the introduction of new course material, it was informal as it was run through in fast time to give us the âwing approvalâ to teach it at local level).
it was a Saturday course and there was a separate course happening the Sunday, maybe OCs conference or something which justified a âWing Big-Wigâ (Wing Staff Officer, Sqn Ldr) to attend the night before to âprepâ (which was not unusual for him simply as an excuse to put himself up in the officers mess in the hope heâd rub shoulders with regulars)
knowing our the course was taking place (i think he might have been âWing training officerâ or similar responsibility) he dropped in almost as we finished and asked us how it went. Given the casual nature of the course ranks and Sirs/Maâamâs had been dropped. this Sqn Ldr didnât take kindly to it when he got a response (from me) along the lines âyes it was a worthwhile course and can see us using this on Sqnâ which was not suffixed with the âsirâ he expected.
he clearly had a word with the Senior WO in the room as I was collared at my car getting ready to leave and âreminded of expectationsâ
What an end of the bell, in both casesâŚ
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Harder to do on a staff course but the ideal remedy is to position as many cadets as possible, evenly spaced around the place, all briefed to deliver a crisp salute.
After the first half dozen or so the snr officer will likely get the message or remove head dress and sulk off somewhere.
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There would have been direct follow up from me about such âexpectations.â 
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Calling you Sir is one way or even Cur is maybe because they have to even if they donât respect you. To me being called Boss means they both like and respect you.
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When the tides are turned, I only address civilians as âsirâ when theyâre knights of the realm, or retired / reserve / honorary officers or warrant officers.
MPGS seem to take an entirely different approach and insist on calling me âsirâ: despite being soldiers, who should have an awareness of the rank structure.
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Looking back over old threads⌠I wondered @CDT_with_a_question âŚ
How did the letter go - did you get the response you were after�