RANT:
I am a cadet Sgt and I just feel that my Oc really dislikes me. I feel I have only made my rank because of what other people have recommended not because of her preference. For instance I instruct on so many events(76 in the last 14 months). I have so many qualifications that I feel she just doesn’t value at all, I asked to deliver a bronze cyber and she was just like ‘sure whatever’ and immediately changes the topic of the conversation. We were on an event together a few weeks ago and she made no effort to talk to me and even though I tried starting a small conversation she just brushed me off. I’m an SNCO and I am soon to be her most senior cadet on squadron but I feel like she doesn’t want me on her squadron and instead would rather the less experienced/ competent SNCOs instead. Promotions for FS are approaching and I feel that its likely that another Sgt who has no qualifications and barely attends any events and doesn’t take a leading role on squadron is going to be promoted and I wont be even though I have recommendations for FS from wing and regional Staff. I have been mentoring my cdts and cpls to develop themselves as NCOs, I have taken a leading role on squadron in the absence of our FSs and all my cadets think that I am going to be promoted soon but I just have a feeling that I am disliked by my OC and that I disappoint her even though I try so hard. How would I go about trying to mend the relationship between me and my Oc? To begin with I thought she might be coming off as cold to make me push myself further to achieve and develop my self more but I get zero direct praise for anything I do.
I’m sorry to hear that’s your experience. It sounds like you’re doing everything I would expect of an SNCO.
Do you have other staff members on your squadron you can talk to that you have a better relationship with? They may be able to help.
Step 1, from experience, is don’t go on the internet and complain about them.
The mature thing to do would be to ask to meet with them and put forward your concerns in a non-accusatory manner.
Asking for advice on here is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. There are lots of experienced staff and cadets who will be happy to give you some thoughts. Hopefully that’s what makes this forum a welcoming place.
It sounds like you’ve tried having informal conversations with your OC and that she hasn’t really engaged. You could try asking to discuss your position on the Sqn with her and set out your concerns, but I understand that could be scary and she may just brush you off again.
Are there any staff on your Sqn that you’d be happy to discuss this with? They could raise your concerns with the OC, especially if they’ve noticed that you’re treated differently, and be more likely to get engagement from her.
I’d be mortified if I found out from another staff member that a cadet was thinking I wasn’t approachable. We are all volunteers running a youth organisation; we are here for the cadets.
As long as you don’t give any identifiable info, we welcome general questions looking for advice.
A few questions to consider:
- Is the treatment you feel you’re receiving actually any different to what other people are receiving?
Why: some people work in a way that can make them seem cold and dismissive, but actually they just feel they’re being efficient. This can be misunderstood by those on the receiving end. If the treatment is universal, then the person is unlikely to be targeting you.
- Have others spoken about your treatment?
Why: if others are raising that they feel there’s an issue between you then it’s likely correct. If others haven’t, then it could be that you’re just experience a personality type that you’re not used and therefore misinterpreting what you see. This is a natural part of growing up.
- What conversations have you had with the OC about how you feel?
Why: some people won’t even realise that the way they communicate with people causes an issue for the receiving person unless it’s discussed. No problem can be solved unless the parties involve know there’s a problem. So resolution can only start once a chat takes place.
- This is a more sensitive one; do you feel you’re entitled to be a FS?
Why: it’s a part of growing up to realise when we’ve decided we should have something that we might not actually be ready for. Do you feel you deserve it, or do you feel it would be wrong if you don’t get it. It would be worth asking both friends, and other people that perhaps you don’t get on with so well, for their input specifically on “how do you think I can make myself ready to be a FS?” - if almost all of them answer something like “I think you’re already there” then that’s good news, but if they mostly respond “well, you could…” then it’s worth considering whether you’re ready yet or need to develop further.
It’s important to note that all staff are volunteers and, ultimately, we all want to see the young people under our command do well. No-one is here to see people fail. So don’t be afraid to go to your OC or other staff and ask “what do you feel I could do to make myself ready to be a FS?” - any good staff member will help you come up with a series of actions to put yourself in the best position possible for that promotion.
To emphasise WN’s post above, don’t underestimate the power of a conversation.
Step one is always communication.
You might consider going to another uniformed member of staff to state that you’re concerned you may be stagnating and to ask for some specific and actionable feedback.
You may be right about all the good stuff you do, but there could be another legitimate point working against you for promotion (especially where competition is tougher). For example, the boss may always notice that your shoes are dirty (only illustrating the point with an extreme example).
Raising this will make it clear to everyone what you want to work towards, and should prompt any overdue conversations about development (I spend loads of time thinking about this stuff, but life can get in the way and sometimes a specific issue, or cadet asking for feedback, provides the perfect opportunity to sit down with them and raise something which may have felt too blunt had I ambushed them with it, but now they asked me and I can list off what I really like about their service and then highlight 1-2 things I’d like them to think about).
It’s also true that not everyone deals with perceived challenge well, and so starting off at the bottom allows for it to be raised without your boss feeling like you’re having a go directly.
If there isn’t anyone else, then ask them for a development chat directly. The same results should hopefully occur.
Just try to avoid anything which could appear to be accusatory (I’m sure they’ll feel upset to think that you’re upset) — that can often be interpreted when it’s not there, so it’s worth keeping it light on detail regarding feeling aggrieved. It may turn an easy win into a source of tension.